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“If you want to be brilliant, be curious”

Be curious about people, society, cultures, economics, politics, technology, trends…

Be curious about relationships, influencers, triggers, issues, dreams, aspirations…

Be curious about strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, tasks…

Be curious in the morning, in the afternoon, in the night, and all the time…

Be curious about everything relevant, and seemingly irrelevant, because in curiosity lies discovery, and a perpetual journey of discovery leads to brilliance.

Continue reading »]]> The other day I was in small electrical shop in Shakarpur market, and was looking for an power extension board – “give me the best quality” I requested.  The shopkeeper smiled with pride, and then with great flourish revealed to me his “best quality” extension board.

No it wasn’t Philips, Bajaj, or any such familiar name… but instead the box read “UttamBrand” (name changed). Seeing my confused look the guy now looked at me with disdain… “yeh naam aapne suna hi hoga..? best quality hai… sab bade-bade company inhi se letey hain aur apna chhap lagate hain…” (you must have heard of this brand… it’s the best quality… all the big companies buy from them and brand them as their own).

“Yeah right” I said, then realising I had no other option and I needed it urgently I asked about the warranty/guarantee… and quick came the response “Main hoon na!” (I am here as guarantee).

I stared at the guy like I stared at the plumber, the tile repair guy, and the local kirana shopkeeper before him who tried to pass off something of dubious lineage and quality to me as quality “guaranteed by them” !

“There’s this crazy Indian belief that you have to take someone’s word – even if you don’t know them. How often we see it abused by people who haven’t met before and will never see again…”

I think this is the same belief that drives some brands and their CEOs to star in their advertisements and endorse their brands – “Buy my brand, main hoon na!” they claim.

Admittedly, when the late Dhirubhai Ambani did so, he did with a lot of credibility and the stature of a company that had done very well. And when a packaged masala company shows its patriarch in their advertisements there is some credibility because the brand and its patriarch are well known.

For the rest, I think its just absurd self-promotion.

Here’s my list of the adventures and misadventures of CEO brand endorsers.

CEO Brand Endorser No. 1 – Masala Man

The Old Man in the MDH Masala Ads. He’s lovable, likeable and seems credible enough to appear in their packaging and ads.

He’s okay, way to go old man!

CEO Brand Endorser No. 2 – Thumbi

note the thumb!

I call him “Thumbi” for his trademark action in every ad he appears. If you look closely at his photo in the press ads, you’ll find his name and designation in small type.

Yeah, I am talking about the CMD of Country Club, “thumbing” his way through the end of each of his ads.

His sudden, out-of-the-blue-and-context appearance in each ad is a bit absurd… But being the CMD of a club where you expect personalised attention even from the top guy, you get used to it, and can live with it.

CEO Brand Endorser No. 3 – Colonial Leftover
Okay, so here’s this white guy talking to us from a television commercial. And he says that we don’t have to spend any money on maintenance with his cars, because his company will take care of that. And then, he puts his hand on his heart!!!

Whoa! Whoever recommended that the expat CEO of GM should appear in their ads needs to get their brains examined.

I can imagine it working for Rattan Tata and Tata Motors,  but know he never will take this road. But has anyone heard of this guy (Sorry sir, nothing personal)?

What’s his context – market leadership, innovative thinking, celebrity status..? Do you think his being a “gora” is going to impress people? I remember another senior guy from the same company also appear in ads before. What’s the plot??

I know agencies need to suck up to their clients… but I am sure there are less obvious ways to do it!

CEO Brand Endorser No. 4 – High on attention
Thankfully liquor brands are prevented from advertising overtly on television. Or else we’d have to see this dude in our faces a lot more.

I am speaking of the head of a liquor company who used to appear in their radio ads – giving his name and all – and asking people to drink responsibly. “Yeah dude. Where’s your responsibility to common sense?”

Why should I listen to you? Is it because I see you hanging around models and famous people in Page 3 parties and pictures? Is it because they pose with you because your company sponsors the events and for no personal connect with you?!

CEO Brand Endorser No. 5 - Pehle Khushi, Abhi Gham
I almost forgot about this one… But there was this marriage between Karan Johar’s company and NDTV or something. So we had the lovable Karan (who we all love as a film-maker) appearing in ads talking about how this relationship was like “family” and that their channel was going to really make us happy…

Is that family still around..? I have no idea, but would love to know…

But I think Karan should stick to making brilliant feature films. Leave the ads to the lesser mortals.

EndNote to myself:
I have to remove the “Blatant Self Promotion” tag on this blog.

Continue reading »]]> In the battle for mindshare and market share, some companies in India have gone out of their way (way, way out sometimes) and hired celebrities to endorse their brands.

While some celebrities have done a fantastic job (as actors and as endorsers), the rest have just ended up wasting a lot of money, and insulting consumer intelligence.

For your viewing pleasure and intellectual exercise, I have rated 5 of Bollywoods top male stars who are also Brand Ambassadors. Naturally, No. 1 is who I think is the best, and No. 5 is the one who needs to give it a rest!

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Bollywood Male Celebrity Brand Ambassador Number 01: Aamir Khan

When it comes to Bollywood stars endorsing brands, this Khan is King by far. Whether he is endorsing the brand as Aamir Khan himself (Titan) or whether he simply plays an actor in the TVC (Coke, or Tata Sky) he is brilliant. Each commercial is a delight to watch (like his films) and am sure is a “heart-and-mind magnet” for consumers!

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Bollywood Male Celebrity Brand Ambassador Number 02: Abhishek Bachchan

This AB baby is the darling of many a commercial. Brands like Motorola have milked his real personality (on and off screen) to the hilt, and used his uber-cool, easy-going, like-able and aspirational character to max in their commercials. And Idea Cellular has got AB the actor to pull off brilliant scripts, brilliantly!

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Bollywood Male Celebrity Brand Ambassador Number 03: Akshay Kumar

You don’t get to see this super-star in many commercials (which is why he is not closer to the top). But when you do see him in ads, he is credible and pure delight to watch! This dude gets all our Thums Up!!!

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Bollywood Male Celebrity Brand Ambassador Number 04: Hritik Roshan

Film opens on a dull and boring situation (choose any context depending on your product).
Enter Hritik.
Hritik uses product (place your product here).
Hritik starts dancing and camera focuses on his curls and boo.. err biceps.
Everyone dances around the product and becomes happy.
Cut to pack shot.
Cut to close up of Hritik saying the brand name and tagline.
Repeat for any mobile phone/computer model.

Why can’t brands and agencies use Hritik’s great acting skills like the team on Parle Hide n Seekdoes!? Why cannot they come up with brilliant ideas and scripts, instead of using him like some cheap “item number”? Sorry Hritik, nothing personal, but looks like the Ad/Mkt professionals around you need to get their act together!

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Bollywood Male Celebrity Brand Ambassador Number 05: Shah Rukh Khan

If you didn’t know who SRK was, and you saw him for the first time in an Ad, you would never believe he is the guy they call “King Khan” or the “Badshah of Bollywood” – because sorry to say, far from being King, he comes out as nothing better than a court jester!

Bad brand-celebrity matches. Lazy ideas. Bad scripts. Tacky productions. These are the unfortunate ingredients of SRK the brand ambassador.

HP/Compaq and ITC Sunfeast in particular need to take a leaf out of Pepsi’s book- perhaps the only brand that knows how to use King Khan properly. Or at least if you cannot replicate Pepsi’s intelligent creatives, at least try to use him in a ludicrously entertaining manner like Hyundai does!

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Footnotes to Brand Managers and Agency people:
01. Celebrity endorsement is not an idea, it is at best a ‘strategic first step’. You still need a good script and an idea.
02. If you have a Star in your TVC, get a good TVC Director. Not just one who isn’t overawed by the star, but also one who the star will listen to.
03.  And before you do both the above, ask whether the brand really needs it… or are you just a celeb-slut looking for your delusionary brush with fame?

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Last Saturday evening, I spent around four hours with some of the friendliest, most unassuming bunch of people I have met in a long time.

Which is surprising, considering I was at the IndiBloggers offline meet in Delhi. And Bloggers, as their reputation suggests, are a volatile and unpredictable bunch of people.

“True, Bloggers around the world have displayed the power to rock countries, bring down companies, and generally cause much damage with their words when provoked, or when they raise their voices against something they feel is not right – for them, or people around them.”

What’s not talked about as much, is the fact that Bloggers often announce important news before daily press and even television channels pick them up; they are known to share knowledge and insights on things both popular and obscure; and they are known to provide great reading (and watching) content that keeps people around the world addicted and waiting for the next post.

So how come there were no fireworks? How come this meet didn’t become the starting point of a revolution that would address the scores of issues around us?

Well there were two reasons for this as I saw it – 1) the Agenda, and 2) the real nature of Bloggers.

The meet’s objectives/agendaitself, was primarily to get Bloggers from the NCR to meet and get to know each other. For this there was a “One Minute of Fame” session, where all the Bloggers stood up and spoke for a minute about their blogs, and why they do what they do.

The next objective was perhaps to begin a dialogue – which translated into a tentative discussion (“this is not a presentation” claimed the organisers) on the issues most bloggers face – of ethics, of responsibility, of censorship, of self-governance, and of course revenue generation, which naturally led to discussions about Google.

Personally, I think this session could have been better planned, because the issues themselves are very important, and while everyone had a point of view, the discussion went all over the place, without reaching any real conclusion or even direction.

“But it was a great start, and I hope to see more such discussions in this area. Because while we Bloggers are all free-spirits, I do believe we have to be good spirits and be spirited for the right reasons.

The fires we create in our rants have to be to shed light, not singe innocents. And the glow we create with our raves have to be natural, not drug-induced.”

I guess you get the drift. So let me get to my next point.

Bloggers are just human. As I watched the gathering that consisted of writers, coders, photoshoppers, a cartoonist, a fitness instructor (she was one, of the two women Bloggers at the meet), a titilator (for want of a better word for a guy who shares ‘sexy’ clips from popular movies on his blog), and other such Bloggers, it struck me that they were no different from each other!

Their reasons for Blogging may be different, but they are all just regular Joes (and Janes) out to voice their opinions, share their passions, and generally aim for the moment of glory or fame that perhaps eludes them in real life. Or perhaps they have just chosen Blogging as the channel through which they will get their moment of glory, get themselves heard the big bad world out there…

These people are not here to harm anyone, not pick unnecessary fights, or rant unreasonably… They all have good intentions, and will hopefully have a positive effect on whoever comes in touch with them. Which is far from what you will get from the average Joe on the street!

And then I realised, I was really proud to call myself a Blogger, and be one of these people. And if the folks behind IndiBloggers and IBNMSget their act together to address serious issues, and develop a gameplan to nurture or channel the energies of Bloggers better, the world will be a whole lot nicer place to live in!

You can quote me on that.

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da Bombay Bitch is bitchin!

She’s in my face (and probably yours too) every morning. She’s got attitude. She’s very aware of what’s going on. She has a clear point of view ~ which she expresses with wit, sarcasm, to-the-point-bluntness, and a whole lot of flair..! Yeah, she’s a whole lot of fun, and I love to see her in my inbox every morning!

I am talking about this new website on Bollywood and its related masala – Bombay Bitch. I receive a daily update from her every morning, which hightlights the days stories and links to the main site. Besides all the above (which you discover once you click-through to the website), the first thing that strikes you are the headlines and subheads (see picture alongside). And the writing that follows is just brilliant.

Reminds me of the “good old days” when we had great writers. The “good old days” where the writing was insightful of the subject, heartfelt-expressive, and sans any agenda or political correctness.

Sadly, the former two elements are lacking today in most places because of the pressures of turnaround times, and of course, sheer lack of talent. The latter two elements thrive today with the indulgence of advertising rupees, and the blackmail of mob protests and random PILs.

Good writing, is unfortunately hard to come by nowadays – in the print media, in advertising, and public relations (don’t even get me started on the inane non-des-scripts we hear on the telly).

In light of all this, dear Bombay Bitch, you are a breath of fresh air… even though it often brings some bollywood biggies gasping for some! Needless to say, my inbox is always open for you

Check out Bombay Bitch here

Related reading: Where have all the writers gone

Update: Just to add, since I trashed writers in general, I also enjoy reading things like Mint, and Mail Today (the latter, while being great in its approach, still needs to work on crafting).

As for writers, there are many who’s craft I enjoy, like Jug Suraiya, Swaminathan Ankleshwar Iyer, S Mitra Kalita, Bachi Karkaria, Karan Thapar, Himani Dalmia, Amit Varma… and some more…

Continue reading »]]> There was a time when reading ads was a pleasure. We could enjoy an intelligent twist of phrase, smile at a clever use of words, and get amazed by the wordsmithery of a writer passionate about the product and the consumer whom he was trying to sell it to.

It was a time when names like Mohammed Khan, Chris Rosario, Neil Johnson, Alok Nanda, Freddy Birdy, Swapan Seth and many other witty and brilliant people challenged themselves to entertain our audiences and enrich our industry with intellectual and literary value.

Admittedly, things are quite different today. While advertising has become slicker, and budgets have become bigger, unfortunately the art of writing has all but disappeared.

Headlines, Taglines, Bodycopy (err, um… what’s bodycopy?) are no longer as classy, dramatic or influential as before. What we get to see today, is more often than not unedited, and reeks of the thoughtless ramblings of immature minds, amateur creatives, lazy bosses, and ignorant clients.

As a copy trainee (yes, I was trained to write copy, unlike the keyboard wielding wannabes of today) I learnt about the 3 different ways you can use headlines:

• You can used headlines to target the Brain of your consumer (expect to attract the consumer, and expect to attract a good raise for yourself)
• Alternately, you can Baffle, or Bullshit your consumer (expect a short burst of sales, but then expect a rocket to burst up your ars*)

Unfortunately, in an attempt to be ‘cool and creative’ a lot of writers today are doing the latter, without even realising it.

Some top of mind classics of today, which will go down in the annals of history (pun intended):

• Isko Laga Dala toh life Jingalala! Cannot crystallize your product promise? use Birdy Num Num… Or in this case, Jingalala. Yes, the same as in those scary, naked men who danced in the background of Helen aunty’s songs – meaningless and gross!
• Whatta top ka is my world, is my music, is my P***i. I actually had to look this one up on their website to check if it was actually what I was seeing on TV – in fact, I’m still not sure I’ve got it right! Yes, this dyslexic schizophrenic arrangement of words is their headline or tagline… or something!
• The (car name here) is like a powerful Olympic athlete. Heart pounding, muscles pumping, impatient for red to turn to green. Don’t make it wait. This was one of the headlines in a 3 ad campaign for a top car brand in India. The writer obviously knows nothing about athletes, has never driven a car, and probably lives in Delhi coz he’s encouraging people to jump the light!

Look around you today… there’s more such pedantic, pedestrian writers with delusionary assumptions of greatness, churning out such asinine classics every day!

Which brings me back to my question… Where have all the writers gone??!

Continue reading »]]> All of us receive jokes in our email – lots of them. We also receive inspiring stories, wierd perspectives, conspiracy theories, interesting photographs, and fascinating puzzles… We read them, smile and feel good. We save these mail, and often pass them on to others hoping that they’ll appreciate/laugh/learn from it the way we did.

Of course, while most of us are selective about what we FW: there’s many among us who send out tonnes of daily mail in the crazy hope that cooolness of the mail rubs off on them! Really, haven’t you noticed how some of the biggest losers in life (and work) send out the most email FW: ?

The point of this post is about the Forwarders, as much as it is of the Creators – of the original joke, perspective, theory, photo, puzzle, whatever…

Ever wondered who these creators are, what prompted them think/write/create/share… and who remain anonymous, most certainly not by choice! This post is a tribute to them – the hidden creators who entertain us, make us think, and make us feel good every day… they add value thank you, and keep creating!

Going further I’d like put forth to the spammers (and potential spammers) among us what I think is also very important, the politically correct and sensitive things to keep in mind when we forward mail.

• Don’t FW: everything you receive, to everyone you know. PLEASE be selective!
• Give credit to the original creators – we know you didn’t write the stuff dude.
• Don’t send out more than one such mail a week/fortnight (unless you’re running some kind of perverse and illegal spam-a-day outfit!)
• Keep the email IDs of people private (heard of BCC?) There’s nothing I (and most people) hate
   more than seeing my email ID on display to 40 others who I have nothing to do with, but who will spam me in the near future, with inane ‘reply all’ like “wow! thanks!” and then add me to their next deluge of trash.
• Please virus-scan and put the stuff in your mail directly, not as an attachment inside an attachment inside an attachment inside an attachment!

That’s all folks!

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I’ve been in the business of advertising and communication for 18 years now, and one of the things that never fails to amaze me is how every thing is ‘needed yesterday’. Really… how disorganised can you be?

It’s a fact that new brands, products or services don’t suddenly appear magically one quiet afternoon, surprising you, and forcing you to brief your agency in the evening for a launch campaign you’ve suddenly realised you need asap.

It’s true that most strategies and issues don’t get dreamed up overnight, so you need a campaign or some sort of action by noon the next day…

So why are things usually ‘needed yesterday’?

I would put it down to a combination of ignorance and arrogance.

Ignorance, about what an advertising agency can do for you, when given the right inputs and time.

Arrogance, that stems from the power of “I pay, so I can ride roughshod”

While the clients are more often than not completely responsible for “need it yesterday” situations, I would also hold agencies responsibile for letting things come to this stage. Because in these situations, it’s very apparant that ‘client expectations’ haven’t been understood or defined by the agency.

Blame aside, let me return to the Ignorance and Arrogance.

THE IGNORANCE OF SPEED:

There is no doubt, there are no right answers in our business. Only informed decisions taken after analysis of all the elements involved – background, issues, audiences, competition, goals, etc.

And I am yet to come across a client or agency that has a text book which has all the scenarios listed, with alternate solutions provided - so we can refer to the book overnight and dish out a solution.

So how can you spend thousands (sometimes millions) of dollars on what I would clearly define, as “unverified distress sales” on part of the agency or “spur of the moment purchases” on part of the client??
 
The simple truth is, haste makes waste; and fools rush where the wise fear to tread.
 

THE ARROGANCE OF MONEY:

It’s usually about the money. Money that supports the spine of the paying party, giving them a false sense of bravado, which in turn leads to arrogance.

And money is of course, the same as “the brand” which walks tall with the arrogance that says “I am so-and-so, and they better deliver to my whim (aka incompetence)… if not, i’ll get someone else…”

My advice to you… “get someone else…” because if they can sell their soul and take shortcuts on judgement, you deserve each other. Together you can live up to the adage of “having more money than brains”!

Endthought: Being a client automatically entitles you to dictate the terms. But it doesn’t automatically qualify you to be right.

Continue reading »]]> Another blast from the past which is still relevant today – on what I believe all communication firms need to focus on – personalised media. I do believe the mass market or mass audience is dead. And media planners who claim cricket and television are the solution to every marketers problems should get their heads examined, and sacked by clients for wasting money.

Here are my thoughts, backed by some facts (originally written 13th December 2005):

“The fact is, most advertising agencies in India are not easily adapting to the new India. And this has nothing to do with technology – but everything to do with ‘mindsets’, and something to do with budgets!” read more, click here.

Continue reading »]]> Some time back I put out a post praising the new MOTOROKR commercial starring Abhishek Bachchan (see link). I still stand by it, and in fact love it even more compared to the new “the thump is here” commercial by Sony Ericsson W200i.

Why? Let’s talk basics which the agency/client seem to have forgotten:

• A ‘celebrity’ is not an ‘idea’ or ‘unique selling proposition’ – a product promise is.
• A product promise, even generic has to be dramatised refreshingly. I cannot see how Hritik Roshan dancing away like he has in every other commercial done by him, can be termed as refreshing/different/cool/unique/whatever!

A done-to-death script, bad art direction and costumes, corny dialogue at the end… all add I believe, to make this TVC nothing but a “thumping waste of money”!

Unfortunate, because it’s a great phone, I’ve always loved Sony Ericsson ads, and I am a big fan of the brand. Come on guys! What were you thinking!!??